Things Mothers to Multiples Are Sick of Hearing–And Rightfully So

I’m a biological mother to one. I can’t pretend to understand what having 3+ kids does to your body, I can’t begin to comprehend the ramifications of multiple pregnancies. 
I do however walk around with five kids following me like ducklings most the time(yes there are six, but common sense usually stops anyone from assuming I have a biological son who is 18.) Since most our placements, except the 6, look just like my blonde hair, blue eyed family, a common misconception is that I have in fact given birth to five children. So I do understand however is the judgmental women and men who walk by and throw out.
How many different dads do your kids have?” 
Uh wait, what? In what world is this question acceptable to a complete stranger? 
I get it. I’m 23 and look like I couldn’t be older than 30-and that’s stretching it. But since when does young mother equate having multiple sex partners? And why is that something you feel you can invasively ask as my children are sitting in a damn stroller? Unless yore a geneticist or our doctor-in which case you’ll already know the answer, the biological and genetic makeup of my kids is not a concern of yours. 
Sassy response? “I don’t know the paternity tests aren’t back yet.”

Do you know what birth control is?” And BONUS POINTS if “Are you catholic?”

Do you know what manners are? If you choose to ask me this I will more than likely go into a very long spiel about different kinds of birth control and the side effects to each because, here’s a real kicker, I was a peer sex educator. I’m actually well versed in different forms of reproductive methods. What I choose to do; with my medical choices, is none of your darn business. Also, I’m not catholic. I know a cute mama to six who is an atheist. There are reasons to want lots of babies that don’t include religion!

Sassy response: “You. You are my birth control.”

You know where they come from right?
Well the majority of mine came from a city about 45 minutes away. This is so demeaning guys. And a little creepy if you include a wink of the eye or a nudge nudge. The number of children who come home with me at night isn’t a good reason to be weird about my sex life. Yes obviously it exists. But it does for anyone with kids….and in addition

How do you guys manage to have sex/alone time with that many kids”

Creatively. But in all seriousness unless you’re someone I know asking for advice, it’s off limits okay? Multiple kids does not make this less awkward.

Sassy response: “No can you tell me where kids come from? I just keep having them!”

Where do you put them all?”

Sassy response: “In crates in the basement”

In bedrooms? This one has always freaked me out because…where else would they sleep? I highly doubt unless you are a social worker, you care about where my kids sleep at night. I know there’s a lot. I really do.

And my two honorable mentions!

Please tell me you’re done”
Sassy response: “I was done three kids ago!”
Do you get a lot of welfare?
Sassy response: “ALL THE WELFARE”
But really, when did my lifestyle choices become such an acceptable topic of conversation? My contraceptives, or lack there of, my housing, my financial status. At three kids? Four?

The thing is, random rude strangers, we KNOW we have a lot of kids. We are well aware we have one on the slide, one biting her sister, one crying and one on our breast nursing. You aren’t telling us anything new when you make snide comments about “handfuls.”

The funniest part is though? My heart isn’t full yet; I’m still not done. So random, rude strangers of the wold, when I’m chasing after five kids and showing a big pregnant belly? These comments can be kept to yourselves. I love my big family and cannot wait to expand it even more.

****THIS IS NOT A PREGNANCY ANNOUNCEMENT, I am not pregnant****

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